Achieving Success in Love with Career Principles

As a Psychologist, a lot of people come to me with love related issues to help them wrap their head around the romance and my response to them is normally, “I am not that kind of Psychologist”.

I am an Industrial and Organizational Psychologist.

In case you’re wondering what that is. We are those Psychologists mostly working with Human Resource to use psychological principles to improve work and increase productivity. So, let me iterate, it’s quite different from your regular counselor giving you advise on five (5) ways to keep your partner happy.

Nonetheless, the body of psychology is basically the study of the mind and human behavior. Our number one rule as Psychologists is to understand behavior not question or judge behavior to be able to design measures to encourage or discourage the said behavior. Now that we have that out of the way I would want us to think about this for a second – work, romantic relationships, family, studies all have one thing in common and that is human interactions. Can’t say I have a lot of experience with relationships but I believe that all relationships can thrive under four key actions. These actions are Learn, Decide, Commit and Live.

Learn

For you to get any meaningful and fulfilling job that gives you good cash you need to learn. For the very few, luck and inheritance takes the bullet but for the majority you must learn. You don’t have to go to school but trust me you need to have an education. Whatever field you tend to work in, you will need the skills required to accomplish its task. Architecture, Software Engineering, Customer Service, Accounting, Finance, Human Resource, Entrepreneurship, Aviation and whatever industry or department you wish or find yourself working you need to put in the work to learn to do the work. As Tim Notke said, “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard”. Contextually, I believe Tim’s assertion is referring to training in his last mention of work in his quote (Tim Notke was a high school basketball coach). The more you train the more you learn. Relating this theory to our relationships I believe we need to learn. In some cases, we learn the hard way through failed relationships, which is okay. There are numerous relationships, love, marriage literature and videos out there. The internet and specifically social media have made learning materials easily accessible and if we reach and learn from these numerous channels out there, I am sure it I will guide your selection and acceptance criteria.

Decide

A Chartered Accountant after years of investing time in Accounting would not want to apply for a job as a Surgeon, right? Well, except for very peculiar circumstances but I’m sure you get my point. Sometimes we learn to find out what we want and other times we learn to get into what we want to get into and most of the time what we decide on is based on the learning and knowledge we have acquired over time and we are quick to know and not even apply to positions that are not in line with what we want. Companies have several applications and decide on the best fit for the organization. In a job hunt, people turn down offers after they have gone through a contract letter because they know that’s not what they want and move on to the job. In relationships dates are a good informal interview session that helps you decide on the best partner. It's not always that easy, people lie, people pretend but with the right amount of due diligence you will find what you are after. Knowledge not emotion towards your search would be a greater predictor for a healthy relationship. Relationship is a choice not a feeling. You could be with anyone but you chose this particular person because of the knowledge you have of him or her which you believe you want to live with, can live with, tolerate, accommodate or endure.

Commit

In a business setting once you are employed there’s a psychological contract of commitment between both parties. The employer expects the employee to work and complete all assigned tasks while the employee expects the employer to fulfill

their part of the bargain of training, good compensation and a healthy work environment. Not only does this increase retention and decrease attrition but also gives room for a lot of Organizational Citizenship Behaviors (OCBs - A bunch of simple tasks the employee does to show his or her concern for the organization). In a relationship setting commitment is what drives the couple. Both parties would have to work it and give it their all for it to succeed. With both parties committing to the relationship it becomes a healthy space (work environment) for both parties and this is mostly illustrated by some OCBs like spending more time together, receiving gifts, words of affirmation and so many exciting and innovative activities received and shared by both parties.

Live

Where an organization and its employees are one entity there is growth. There has been a lot of investments from both parties so either party has something to lose when one departs the other likewise in a romantic relationship. You give yourselves to each other so much that he or she becomes a part of you and it becomes even too hard to say goodbye temporarily.

Love is a beautiful thing but let’s not mistake it for just a mere feeling but a decision we work towards. Repeating the words of Tim Notke, “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard,” I guess I can say “Hard work beats feelings when feelings don’t work hard.”